Awake
by trouveille
Summary: Kazuha couldn't comprehend why Heiji's ignoring her like this.


**A/N** : I apologize in advance for any errors and mistakes in the story.  
 **Disclaimer** : I most definitely do not own Detective Conan.  
 **Summary** : Kazuha couldn't comprehend, why is Heiji ignoring her?

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Aikido trophies, okonomiyaki, a certain dark-skinned boy with blue eyes. Kazuha wakes up to the sound of Heiji's muffled voice. She squints her tired eyes, brows furrowing down into curious slants. Disoriented and confused, Kazuha sits up, blanket draping off her slender body.

She makes out Heiji's tall frame by the window. The moonlight illuminates a soft silver glow on his back. Heiji is looking out the rectangular glass, a gaze Kazuha notices is unsteady and dead. It was as if he was staring at nothing in particular. What is he doing in the middle of the night like this? He's not a light sleeper, unlike her. This is strange.

"—I can't," whispers a voice that belongs to Heiji but doesn't _sound_ like him at all. Broken, frail, fragile—everything Heiji is not. Kazuha's heart starts to beat faster. Everything is catapulting and firing missiles inside her mind as she mentally sets off on a fearful battle of confusion.

Kazuha wants to call his name when she hears a distinct sound of someone heaving a harsh gasp. The words spoken are what keeps the unspoken ones hidden. Something's wrong and it scares her.

"I'm not okay, Kudo. I'm not—" Heiji's voice cracks on the break of the last syllable."—I need time."

There's a moment of absolute silence. Just the hunched over frame of Heiji leaning on the wall paints a clear picture far too strong to be comprehended in words. The silence breaks when he hears a soft whisper.

"Heiji?" She softly calls out.

Heiji stands up straight and glances over at the bed. Waterfall of sorrow and regret fill the blue hue in his eyes. There was no response from him, but the silence spoke lengths. Kazuha calls her lover's name again, only to have it sound off the walls and not reach the said boy himself.

Heiji walks out the door, slamming the wooden hinged object shut with a loud bang. Kazuha flinches in expectant surprise, and quickly scrambles up and off their bed to follow him run down the stairs and down the hall, trying to catch up with Heiji's faster strides.

"Heiji, _wait_!" She calls out again when she sees her boyfriend's frame exit through the front door, "HATTORI HEIJI!"

Why was Heiji acting like this? With a turn of the knob, adrenaline courses through Kazuha's limbs as she runs through the empty and cold midnight and towards Heiji's bike that has already started up. He leaves, and so does her happiness.

She doesn't have any trouble falling into pain, worry and confusion.

—

The next morning, Kazuha wakes up alone.

No strong arms wrapped around her waist like every morning. No steady, hot breath tickling her neck. No lips trying to steal sly, morning kisses.

She's alone.

After spending minutes in their bed, reminiscing last night's incident—or this morning—she fails to convince herself that everything is going to be all right.

Exhausted, Kazuha leaves their bed and goes to the kitchen. This kind of silence breaks into her thoughts, worry consuming her very being. It kills the things that should've been left untouched. Where's the man cursing and sending colorful words out his mouth while he attempts to make breakfast for two? Where's the sound of the morning news and the smug boasting that trails?

Kazuha feels like she's failing. As she sits down on the couch that doesn't feel quite like theirs anymore, she stares at her phone expectantly.

Should she call? Should she text first?

No.

This whole thing is not her fault. In fact, she doesn't even know why or what caused this to happen. But this definitely has nothing to do with her, she's sure of it. Perhaps there's something about one of his cases that he can't get his mind off. Perhaps Kudo-kun is giving him hard time about something she doesn't know. Perhaps it's a guy thing. Perhaps he got into some sort of trouble with his dad.

Sulky Heiji is not all that uncommon, really, that guy could be really moody at times. But never in any instance did he ignore her like he did this morning. Maybe it actually IS her fault.

Before she could even backtrack to whatever she did yesterday that pissed him off so much, the sound of the door snaps Kazuha awake from her thoughts. She whips her had towards the doorway and stares as a drunken Heiji stumbles through the door with Shinichi supporting him.

"Heiji? Kudo-kun? What's going on?"

She catches Shinichi's gaze as the two detectives stumble over to the couch. Shinichi lays Heiji's limp body on the couch, then stands over him and scrutinizes him.

"I'm sorry," Shinichi mumbles, raking his fingers through his hair. Kazuha's chest is starting to hurt. Shinichi glances over at her, his gaze empty.

She must have done something _terribly wrong_.

—

Kazuha wakes up to Heijis phone ringing and the husky voice wearily answering it. Turning over to her side, she watches as he holds the phone up to his ear, still lying down. Even though they're under the same blanket, she can't feel the same warmth and security. It feels cold.

Heiji is upset with her and she doesn't know why. Another day of ignoring proceeds and does its usual ritual of breaking her heart apart into shards.

Every morning Kazuha wakes up knowing Heiji will disappear again. He's slipping away, fading away from her.

If she could turn back time, she would. A time where Heiji isn't ignoring her. A time where she can be welcomed back into his warm and strong embrace without being stared at with that broken gaze Heiji has suddenly grow accustomed to.

If only she knew what she had done. If only she could fix it. If only Heiji will finally talk to him and not run away—coming back home only at night after work, leaving the house at ungodly hours and not coming back until the break of dawn. She never sees Heiji anymore. Her aho— _her happiness_ —is avoiding her to the world's end. Was their love that meaningless that their problems won't be talked over and solved?

She has tried talking to Ran about it, but she never gets any answers. It seems like Ran herself knows but isn't willing to tell her. Whenever Kazuha calls and gives her updates, Ran would only reply shortly. Behind all the 'Kazuha-chan?'s that she receives from her, she feels as though the karate master is always surprised that she's calling her. Ran is definitely hiding something too.

—

This morning, Kazuha wakes up a little differently.

"..M'sorry, Kazuha," mumbles Heiji. That's it. Not yelling, not shouting like he always does.

She opts with nodding her head, not at all trusting herself to speak. Her voice is probably edged with sadness, tied with the essences of _relief_ that courses through her as soon as she hears his apology. This is the first in a long time that Heiji is here during the day, lying in bed right next to her. She buries her face into the pillow that still has hints of his smell—which is awesome considering how many days it has been since he actually slept on it.

"Do you still love—" Kazuha decides to ask, but gets cut off mid-sentence.

"I love you. I always will."

Kazuha breaks into a grin, shuffling to his side in joy. This time, she'll swallow her pride and apologize too, even though she doesn't know why he's being like this. She won't demand an explanation right away. "I'm sorry too."

She waits for those familiar arms to hold her, wrapping her in his usual protective hug. But it doesn't happen.

She yearns for a kiss. But it doesn't happen.

She yearns to see his usual smirk. But it doesn't happen.

She yearns for him to yell at her, calling her aho. But it doesn't happen.

Why?

Didn't Heiji say he loves her?

Was the thing she did, whatever it was, hurt him so much that he couldn't forgive her? That they couldn't go back to how they used to be?

Heiji suddenly stands up, shakily making his way to the door again. Like usual, like every morning for the past few days.

Kazuha wordlessly follows.

—

He doesn't utter a single word throughout the ride. She has her arms around him as usual, and she takes advantage of this, moment by pulling herself closer to him. She heaves contently—it feels like an eternity has passed since she even touched him.

She peers over his shoulder when she feels the engine starting to slow down and finally to a stop. Her breath hitched when she realizes where he's heading to. Why in the world is he bringing her to her mom's grave?

He makes his way through the rows and rows of headstones, and she tries hard to swallow down the lump in her throat as she continues to follow him.

She can see her mom's granite headstone, and she opens her mouth, preparing to say something. But to her confusion, he walks past, only halting at the one next to mom.

The creases between her brows was enough to reflect the bewilderment and confusion she is feeling right now. Then he hears Heiji gasp and whimper—he's shaking.

Heaving a huge breath in hopes of alleviating his breathing, Heiji crouches down. Tears wouldn't stop rolling down his cheeks. He extends his hands, resting it on the headstone.

Kazuha reads the words:

' _Here lies a beloved daughter,_

 _a dear friend,_

 _Toyama Kazuha._

 _The sun shined brighter because she was here._ '

Kazuha closes her eyes, and she is finally _awake_.

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 **P.S.** Thanks for reading!


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